Till Divorce Do Us Part

Why marry? Who? When? How?
I won’t pretend to know the statistics for the actual divorce rate, most are speculation, but the general consensus is that it is high. Very high. If it were 10% of the American population we could say it is way too high. Even amongst Christians, there doesn’t seem to be much difference in the demographic.

You really don’t need to know the actual percentage, just think of all the people you know around you whose marriage has ended in divorce. Its enough to give due consideration of what it even means to be married in the first place, why there is any importance, and if it really matters whether a marriage ends in divorce.

Here is what I have observed (as to why divorce is so high in my opinion):

I. Living in the Fantasy Land

Movies, television, music, and the like. Each one of these has the tendency to blur the reality. Think of how many TV shows you’ve been caught up in (myself included) where you just want two people to get together. Think of how many movies are based on the coincidental, and how everything just works out perfectly, as though fate had destined the two people together. How many songs have the same type of message?

Then we think that reality always works out just like the movies (and it goes beyond just the romantic genres). Instead of facing the reality that marriage is full of its ups and downs, that marriage isn’t based on flings and temporary passions, we tend to believe love is what the movies present.

II. Superficial Attraction

This is one I believe we all fall into the most. I would say this is “especially” amongst the male type, but the more I think about it, it isn’t entirely true. Too many times I hear the question “Is she/he hot?” Or statements like “She/he has a nice body” “She/he has a lot of money” and of course more that I don’t believe would be appropriate here (or anywhere).

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe there is anything necessarily wrong with being physically attracted to someone…to a degree. The problem is when the deciding factor on dating a person/ pursuing them in marriage, is whether or not you will be able to show them around like some kind of a trophy. Or sex of course, which seems to be a large motivator in marriage, but lets face it sex will not hold together a marriage.

I know the old cliché, everyone has heard it, “don’t judge a book by its cover” “its not about the outside but the inner person.” But in some respects it should be true for a Christian, who is seeking someone to be joined to in direct relation to honoring God. Is it someone who will cause you to GROW in your relationship to Christ? That is the deciding factor in the end; I won’t accept any argument from a Christian on that point.

III. Marriage, A More Serious Kind of Dating

Well in this country, marriage doesn’t seem to have much importance at all. In fact divorce is more like a “break up” than a severance of a covenant vowed before a holy God.

For those outside Christ, it’s hard for them to even conjure up a legitimate reason for getting married, besides it just being a social norm and somewhat of a necessary evil. This may explain why so many end in divorce.

On the other hand, there may be those in Christ who just haven’t considered the seriousness of marriage and the offense of divorce before God. Paul, in Ephesians 5, relates the relationship between husband and wife, to that of Christ and the church. In the way that Christ would never abandon or disown His church, so the husband by implication is told to never do the same to his wife.

IV. Its all About Me

In the end, what it boils down to is self-seeking, self-serving motivations. As Christians, our focus should be on God, but all too often we find ourselves seeking after what we want or what we think we need. Instead of searching God’s Word for instructions on marriage, or any pursuit in life, we have a natural default to rely on ourselves.

As always, I hope that when I write these notes, I can listen to my own words. Because of course, I am human as well, saved by the Grace of God, and in much of need of His mercy as the next person.

So may we be in prayer for our nation and for ourselves (Especially those of us who have yet to be married).

I might write something else on this…I know you’re excited.